Tsuruya's haircut surprise
by Devilchu23
Summary: The SOS Brigade's newest mission: Give Tsuruya a haircut
1. Chapter 1

Kyon performed his usual ritual of walking to the club room, knocking twice to check if anyone objected to his arrival, and entering when no one did. He found everyone but Koizumi to be there already, which was not out of the ordinary, he usually arrived second to last.

However, something which was out of the ordinary was Haruhi.

She was within a scary silence, something you could feel in the atmosphere around her, in the atmosphere of the whole room. It had apparently gotten to Mikuru as well, as she seemed more shaky than usual when she brought over tea. Kyon was unsure whether to be happy or worried about Haruhi's current mood. He decided to go with worried.

A few minutes later, Koizumi walked in and quickly apologised for his lateness, something Kyon was sure was not something that needed to be apologised for. As soon as the Esper took his seat, Haruhi slammed her fists down on the table, causing Mikuru to drop the teapot in shock.

"Alright! The SOS Brigade's new mission has been decided!" She declared

"And what would that be?" Kyon asked, sighing at her use of vagueness once again.

"We're going to give someone a haircut!"

Mikuru gasped, and Kyon sighed. Nagato and Koizumi had their usual expressions, monotone and plastered-on smile respectively.

"...What?"

"Oh come on, Kyon! Are you deaf?"

"No, I'm not. What I am is sensible, and giving someone a haircut does not sound like a good idea. I doubt we could find anyone who would agree, anyway."

"That's the best part!" Her voiced lowered to a whisper, "we're not gonna get permission."

"You mean we're not gonna tell them?!"

"Well, it's easier not to. It'll be like a surprise!"

Kyon decided it was within his best interest to go through with it, purely because the sake of the world weighed higher the things that were technically illegal. Scratch that, they were definitely illegal.

"Fine, do you have anyone in mind?"

"It'll have to be someone with long hair, which rules out most of the boys at this school, if not all of them, meaning it has to be a girl." She thought for a moment, then whispered to Kyon "maybe Mikuru?"

"There is no way we're doing this on Asahina!"

"You're right, she needs her hair to complete her adorableness, it just wouldn't be the same without it."

Kyon sighed again, just relieved that Mikuru was out of this, for whatever reason.

Haruhi continued to ponder on the situation, and may have done so for hours if Tsuruya did not walk in at that moment. "Hey guys, what's up?" Everyone instantly looked up at her, and then down at Haruhi, the latter of whom had a devilish grin beginning to spread across her face. "Hey, Tsuru-chan, your hair's long!"

"Yeah, so?"

"Can we cut it?"

"What?! No!"

"Aww, but Tsuru-chan, please?"

"No way, Haruhi!"

"But why not?" Haruhi put on her best pouting face.

"Because I said no! Now stop asking!" Tsuruya slammed the door behind her as she left.

Kyon looked over to Haruhi, who was still pouting. "So, what happened to not getting permission?"

Haruhi blinked, and then shrugged. "May as well ask in case she says yes. Now's where the real fun begins!" She grinned again, and handed out headsets. "Alright Brigade, we're going to split into 2 separate groups. The first group will be me, Kyon and Yuki, leaving Itsuki and Mikuru in the second group. Once the target has been acquired, instantly report to the other group, got it? Alright, Brigade, move out!" Kyon almost objected to being in Haruhi's group, but decided he'd rather not deal with the consequences of such an action.

The two groups ended up searching most of the school before group 1 found Tsuruya in the courtyard, sitting on a bench with a few unknown people. When Koizumi and Mikuru arrived, Mikuri identified the people as Tsuruya's friends. "Alright, well, we've found her. Now what?" Kyon asked Haruhi, who appeared to be thoroughly assessing the situation. "That should be obvious..."

"But how do we go about doing it?"

"I'm not quite sure. We could just cut it off now and run if she notices, I suppose."

Koizumi took this opportunity to pipe in with "Miss Suzumiya, I believe it would be in our best interest to wait for Tsuruya's friends to leave, as they may easily detect us."

"Fair point, number 2. We'll lay back for a while."

30 minutes passed before Tsuruya's friends left, and another 5 before Mikuru realised she'd dosed off, moving on to tell the rest of the Brigade how she often did this in class. Quite a lucky break considering the current situation, Kyon thought. When they approached further, the group decided it would be easier to tie the hair up. So that's what they did, very carefully so they would not wake her.

"Scissors" Haruhi demanded, indicating towards Mikuru. The way she said it made it seem like some sort of surgical operation. Mikuru timidly handed her the scissors, and Haruhi snipped them twice, as if testing their sharpness. "Okay, I'll need someone to hold the ponytail" she whispered. When the group gave no response, she sighed, and ended up making Kyon do it, a decision he was definitely not happy for and made no attempt to hide his feelings about. Haruhi just shushed him and went about cutting off the ponytail, a task which took exactly 8 minutes and 47 seconds to complete, something Kyon later found out from Nagato. When she finished, she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, and declared her victory, an action which almost woke Tsuruya up. After bickering for a while about the cruelness of the situation, Kyon decided to leave an apology note from both the brigade and Haruhi specifically for their actions. Once it was placed on Tsuruya's lap, Haruhi, holding her victory trophy in hand, ordered everyone back to the clubroom, and left a now cropped Tsuruya to sleep peacefully. For the time being, at least.


	2. Tsuruya's revenge

Tsuruya woke up.

At first she just kind of fluttered her eyelids a few times, rolled onto her side in an attempt to fall asleep again, and stopped. Her head felt really light. Really, strangely light. She shrugged it off, and decided to get up. A sound coming from the school entrance behind her made her spin around full force. And there was no flutter of wind, no sudden increase of weight on her head, nothing. She pulled out a mirror and looked, and then instantly wished she hadn't. She screamed, dropping the mirror and cracking it in the process. Who could have done this?!

She sunk to the floor, and wrapped her arms around her head to protect her now shorn locks from onlookers. Who could've...maybe it was hair thieves looking to make some quick money! She swore she would hunt them all over the world until she found them. And then..oh then..she'd...Wait. Tsuruya put a finger on her head, trying to remember something. And then it hit her. Like a car going 100mph. "Hey Tsuruya, you've got long hair, right?"

"HARUHI!" Tsuruya boomed, smashing through the entrance and running up the stairs 4 at a time. Meanwhile, back at the clubroom...

"Haruhi, you know that when Tsuruya wakes up, she's going to flip out, right?" Kyon asked, nervously glancing at the clubroom entrance. "Of course I do, Kyon! I'm thinking up a plan right now, so shut up!" She thought for a moment. "Ah, I've got it! We can just use Tsuruya's hair as a makeshift rope!"

"That's a very creative idea, miss Suzumiya" Koizumi complimented, fake smile leaving his face for a second when he too looked over at the entrance. During all of this, Mikuru had put the plan of "cower in the corner beneath some clothes" in action. Yuki did not seem phased by any of the events.

Then there was a crash outside the door. Everyone looked up, and 4 out of 5 of the club members looked considerably more worried than usual. The door handle slowly turned, until it reached as far as it could go. In a fraction of a second, the door went from closed to fully open with enough force that the whole school seemed to shake. Tsuruya emerged from the hallway, eyes piercing, glaring at Haruhi. Haruhi gulped.

"HEY GUYS!" Tsuruya screamed, stomping inside. "JUST THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND REMIND HARUHI THAT WE NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW!" She paused, seeming to calm down. "Isn't that right, Haruhi?"

"Y-Y-Y-Yeah, that's right...SOS Brigade dis-" and then she was being pulled out the door by Tsuruya.

~Epilogue~

Tsuruya walked into school with a smile on her face. She decided she'd pay a visit to Kyon and Haruhi's classroom. She peeked through the doorway, to find Kyon with his hand on the now bald head of Haruhi. Yes, she definitely felt a lot better. She skipped the rest of the way to her classroom.


End file.
